My first flogging, Part II
I woke up the morning after my first flogging in Richard’s arms. I was resting on his chest, with my head under his chin and his arms crossed over me, holding me tightly. I rolled over and snuggled into spoons, where I lay thinking about the night before. Richard wakes up if I move around at all, so I try to wait until he’s waking himself in the morning before I ask permission to go to the bathroom. Otherwise he’s up and about, maybe before he’s had enough sleep.
After Richard roused, I got up and made him coffee and we snuggled in together and started going through emails on our laptops. After a bit, we moved downstairs and began our work for the day, sitting near each other in the living room. An hour later, our new grill arrived. Richard began setting it up out on the patio and I noticed that I was missing him. So I grabbed a book and sat on one of the patio chairs while he put together the grill, helping whenever he needed an extra hand. I wanted to be near him, preferably touching him, all day.
The book was Ender’s Game, which I’d bought for one of the kids, but which I immediately got hooked on (I myself am reading Omnivore’s Dilemma; I recommend both books highly). There’s a part at the beginning where the main character has to leave his sister and I started crying. Now, I am a very sentimental person but this was over the top even for me. I cried because I miss my brother so badly (a post on this coming up soon) and because I was missing my kids while they were away. A week is too long! Richard stopped fixing the grill and cuddled me for a minute, then went back to it when he was sure I was okay.
A little later we went out for lunch (where we had a great conversation about lots of things that I think Richard is planning to post about) and then to Home Depot for some house-fixing stuff. On the way there, I was finally able to read my Mac email on my iPhone. I hadn’t been able to get on web email for a couple of days, because of the transition to the new iPhone. There was an email from Megan that I read aloud to Richard, talking about what living with us had meant to her. At one point I had to stop reading it because I choked up. I looked over at Richard and his eyes were glistening. It was very sweet. We both miss her.
When we got home, the kids came by for five minutes to collect stuff for a camping trip while their father waited in his car. I got into a bit of an argument with one of them, which I almost never do. It was dumb, I think I was just feeling bad because I missed them and they came racing in, excited and tearing around the house, and it made me feel…unappreciated or unnecessary or something. They left and I felt so sad. I sent them a text message apologizing and explaining how I felt. I was sobbing while I sent the text. My eldest called right away and was so sweet and loving and understanding. I am truly blessed with my children.
I sat down on the couch and just cried and cried. Richard came over and held me. I kept saying “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why I’m so emotional.” After a couple of minutes he said “Maybe you have sub drop.”
I stopped and stared at him. I was so surprised. It had simply not crossed my mind. That’s when he told me how clingy I had been all night, and he pointed out how emotional I’d been all day.
I guess I thought sub drop only happened after…I don’t know, a big scene with lots of hurting and scary things and intensity. I never felt scared at all. It didn’t hurt very much and it didn’t feel intense. Maybe it did feel intense. Not intense like how I think of BDSM scenes. Certainly it is physically intense, but heck I don’t get sub drop after I get a massage or work out, you know?
I’m happy that we did this. It feels like it has opened a lot of doors, a lot of possibilities. I have been concerned that Richard has not been exploring his sadistic side, because I’m not a masochist and because he is so nurturing. But it’s hard for me to ask for things like this. Yesterday, after Z’s and the jdsgirl’s comments about belts, we talked about that. Yikes. Yikes in an exciting way. What’s going to happen next?
xoAmy
i truly have never experienced anything molecularly altering i have not truly experienced emotion in any form this saddens me. i am on fetlife btw i am friends with catalina i will ask my Mistress if it is ok to friend you if that is ok with richard as well. i want to experience an endorphin high i dont know how lol.
Comment by robert — July 16, 2008 @ 10:13 pm
We don’t do scary things or big hurting stuff, (just little hurting stuff!) but impact play in any form always makes me emotional in some way the day after, sometimes 2 days after, it depends on what’s going on at my house. For us, it has always been something that brings us closer, that bonds us because the trust level is so great. When he pushes me to tears during impact, he does it for that same reason, to bring us to a closer level. He isn’t a sadist but has learned to appreciate the release he gets from impact play much as I have learned to appreciate it. The drop is just something we both know will happen and that he takes steps to handle the day after with care and concern and attention.
Comment by jdsgirl — July 17, 2008 @ 5:23 am
Although I’ve never heard the term before, I have definitely experienced that vulnerability and emotional state after a session of just making love vanilla style. I think that sometimes when I let go of my body fully, some old something that was stored in the body comes up and out, resulting in emotions. Cool.
Comment by gillette — July 17, 2008 @ 12:11 pm
Oooo Belts…
We have never done that. He has only spanked the bottom he owns with his hand. To be honest - i get disappointed in me most of the time when he does this.
You see, I was the little girl that would never give anyone the satisfaction to see my tears. That has so spilled over into my adulthood. Which is what disappoints me.
He stops before the tears even BEGIN to threaten to pop out. Sounds silly (sorta) but i want the spankings where I’m SOBBING at the end. Grant you i also want to be cuddled for hours afterwards!
We have talked about his belt… and also a riding crop and a flogger that my friend makes. I have no idea when we will try those… but i think I’m game for it if he’s up to it!
Comment by Juli — July 17, 2008 @ 2:53 pm
Ender’s Game is an awesome book! I wasn’t nearly as enamored of the sequels as I was the first book. The ending of it is a complete jaw dropper. Enjoy it!
(And I’ve really enjoyed your flogging posts. Very educatonal. Thanks for sharing.)
Comment by Rupert — July 18, 2008 @ 10:06 pm
First off, Ender’s Game in an excellent read for teens AND adults both! It really got my wheels spinning.
Second, I had never heard the term “sub-drop” before your post, but that is a perfect term for the feelings I get. We often go a month or more at a time where we can’t really fall into our fullest Master/pet roles due to kids and work and just the everyday business of life. But once I go under, it takes a force of nature to bring me back out! I go from being the house manager and business owner to being perfectly content sleeping curled up at his feet, and extremely dependent on his touch. Over time though, I have seen that he seems equally dependent on those moments where all he can do is just pet me and be in my presence as well. It’s the most naked I’ve ever felt.
Comment by Doux — July 24, 2008 @ 11:07 pm